therelevantrhino

I’m a huge Miles Davis fan; ‘Kind Of Blue’ has always been one of my favorites. I particularly love ‘So What’ for its improvisational journey through a basic, two chord progression.

Yesterday, however, I heard a “so what” I could have done without.

Martha Raddatz interviewed Dubya about his legacy, and yes, the shoe-thrower (by the way, you really want to click the link–I promise, you’ll crack up). I’m not going to get into the “shoe heard round the world” because I think what our lamest of lame duck President said regarding the whole of the Iraq war is more important.

[Bush] “Clearly, one of the most important parts of my job because of 9/11 was to defend    the security of the American people. There have been no attacks since I have been president, since 9/11. One of the major theaters against al Qaeda turns out to have been Iraq. This is where al Qaeda said they were going to take their stand. This is where al Qaeda was hoping to take …”

At this point, our re-writer in Chief was interrupted by Raddatz, whereupon she reminded him that al Qaeda had no presence in Iraq until he decided to invade. To which he replied:

Yeah, that’s right. So what? The point is that al Qaeda said they’re going to take a stand. Well, first of all in the post-9/11 environment Saddam Hussein posed a threat. And then upon removal, al Qaeda decides to take a stand. And they’re becoming defeated and I think history will say, one, the world was better off without Saddam, two, along with the Iraqi troops we have denied al Qaeda a safe haven…”

Except we haven’t denied al Qaeda a safe haven in Iraq. All reports from the ground admit that Iraq has become an entirely new front for the terror organization, and with friendlies on every border, an effective one at that. I’m sure if you look hard enough, you can find an article in some place like the Christian Science Monitor debating that, but you’d be getting your information from the CSM–and that would make you an idiot.

It’s not that Incurious George has ever been concerned with facts that pisses me off; rather, it’s his callous disregard for human life and inability to recognize his drastic fucking mistakes. Shrugging off the fact that our public enemy number one wouldn’t even be in Iraq unless he hadn’t decided to turn that country into a 400,000 hole desert golf course doesn’t even register with this complete and total fucktard. The 4,200+ American lives lost don’t matter, nor do the lives of over a million Iraqi citizens.

In 36 more days, we’ll inaugurate a new President, but for generations, we’ll be feeling the effects of the Bush Legacy. It will take much more than Barack Obama to restore our standing in the world; it will take all of us working together to achieve that goal.

While a leader (correctly or not) represents us globally, we need to freely and willingly immerse ourselves in other cultures, other beliefs, other ways of thinking, and yes, other religions. You don’t have to forsake the snake and apple for the flying horse and the black rock, but you should be at least half as aware of the Qu’ran as you are the Bible. American civilization just may depend on it.

We all know the patriotic, American way is to set up an offshore account for your business so that you don’t have to pay any of those damn liberal, commie taxes. It’s fulfilling your duty to your country (that you love so much you put a flag sticker on the back of your SUV to prove it) to outsource your jobs because 13 year-olds in third world countries don’t care about the bennies as much as they do that $1.26 a week.

In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a lot of folks out of work lately. We’re experiencing the highest unemployment rates in nearly a half-century, and many more are expected. In order to keep jobs here in America, some of the “heartland”, or “rustbelt”, or “Redneckistan” states did what anyone would have done in their situation: they lied. They artificially lowered or decreased unemployment taxes on business to keep the jobs in their states. In cases like Indiana and Michigan, this created a “perfect storm“– while unemployment taxes went down, unemployment rates went up, causing those states to borrow money from the federal government to pay those benefits.

Indiana and Michigan have been insolvent for two months(in Indiana’s case) to a year (Michigan’s case), and as many as 30 other states are reaching the point of insolvency. While the cynical among us would say something asinine like, “get another job”, we don’t have them. Not ones that pay a living wage. Not ones that provide health insurance or retirement, at least. And now that union busting is becoming as fashionable as celebrity rehab, we won’t be seeing any jobs that offer incentives other than maybe scrimping by month to month.

The Wonka-vator couldn’t find our debt ceiling; we’ve (literally) spent the last eight years.  The Bush Administration expanded our deficit to the point that my grandchildren will be paying for their mistakes, and all he got were a pair of knock-off Capezios thrown at him? The party of small government and “fiscal conservatism” presided over the largest expansion of the federal government since the New Deal, and turned a balanced budget with a $5 billion surplus into an $11 trillion dollar debt.

These aren’t lazy, shiftless bums losing their jobs. They’re your friends, your neighbors, your loved ones. It’s time to cast aside the ri-damn-diculous notion that anyone without a job is a pariah, and try to find some fucking solutions.

Thanks to my indefatigable contacts in the “lib-rul” media, your Relevant Rhino was able to obtain a copy of the initial phone conversation between IL crook dumbfuck governor Rod Blagojevich and top Chicago criminal attorney Ed Genson.

In case some kiddies happen upon this blog, it has been censored for sensitive eyes.

Blago: So what the ****, Ed, can we ******* clear me of this *********** or what?

Genson: Well, we’ll do what we can, Rod, the evidence against you is overwhelming.

Blago: *******************payin’ you for ********************with a goldfish*****************down a staircase**********************in the ********** river, you ***********piece of *******************on your mother’s grave.

Genson: Erm, Governor,  we’re trying to get the tapes thrown out, and we’re working to discredit any witnesses. It’s going to take some time. The charges are very serious.

Blago: I don’t give a ************************************** charges! **** the ******* charges with a *******************wrought iron ***************** candelabra************** rotting ******* fish. *************** witnesses can’t *************** talk with my ***************** so far up their ****************** they can’t ********************* breathe without tasting ******* leather. I ******* know people, and those ******************people really *************** hurt people.

It goes on like that for around four hours. Suffice it to say, the disgraced governor is going to have his work cut out for him.

John McCain prophetically said he’d rather lose an election than a war. Well, he’s off to a decent start, and even though everyone on the ground has said that you can’t win occupations, there may be time for some armchair neo-con to claim victory right before we pull out. Or, as I like to call it, the “Catholic Win”.

We now know that Dubya is going to spend 14 of the remaining 15billion from the TARP funds to guarantee the auto industry in America doesn’t fail on his watch. This decision comes on the heels of the Senate rejecting a bill that would have given the Big Three a bridge loan during the waning days of Dubya’s piss poor excuse for an administration. We also know that the Senators responsible for killing the bill are, more often than not,  from states that are backed by non-Unionized foreign auto makers. Ironically, 18 Republican Senators, largely from the aforementioned states, voted for the $700billion bailout of Wall St., but voted against the $15billion bridge loan to assure that 3.2 million Americans would be able to keep their jobs and pay their bills.

Bob Bennett, UT, Richard Burr, NC, Saxby Chambliss, GA,Tom Coburn,OK
Norm Coleman, MN, Bob Corker, TN, John Ensign,NV, Chuck Grassley,IA,
Judd Gregg,NH, Orrin Hatch,UT, Kay Bailey Hutchison, TX,  Johnny Isakson,GA
John Kyl, AZ,  Mel Martinez, FL,  John McCain, AZ, Mitch McConnell,KY
Lisa Murkowski,AK,  John Thune, SD

Odd that with at least a third of these American Dream killing, big business kowtowing, hypocritical, fluffers of Wall St. up for reelection in two short years, they’d use this opportunity to exercise their outright hatred of Unions and bend over for foreign auto makers.

I come from a town that went from considerable independence to almost total reliance on revenue garnered from chain restaurants and big box stores as a result of GM shutting down 6 factories and shipping 85% of those jobs overseas or to Mexico. People I grew up with are living in their parent’s homes and taking night classes for a slim chance at a different career because they were new employees when the jobs went away, and factory life was all they knew. Now, the remaining 15% of those men and women that were already struggling to make a living may only be able to do so until January or February of next year. For no other reason than Dubya, and his fellow GOPers, feel threatened by Unions.

I will give the teensiest amount of credit to BushCo, though. Giving the Big Three just enough to get through the next two months means one less potential albatross to hang around their neck.

Fucking douchebags.

And you thought their world couldn’t possibly get more bleak…

In what could best be described as the colorless, soulless domino theory, the current financial meltdown has effected every element of our society. No where else is this more apparent than in the Emo community. Throngs of the perpetually, unnecessarily depressed are being forced to find new depths of darkness as a result of skyrocketing unemployment, financial insecurity, and home foreclosures.

“This is like, bullshit, er whatever”, said one Emo kid at a coffee shop in Manhattan’s SoHo district. “Have you tried to buy an Atreyu album lately? There all like, gone.”

Setting his razor blade aside and brushing the bangs out of his eyes so this reporter could see the darkness through the window of his vacuous, depleted soul, another dipshit Emo kid told me,

“I like, tried to get tickets to a Taking Back Sunday show, but there were all these fucking stock broker type assholes in line in front of me. I literally thought I was going to die. Do you think any of those fucktards know how to dance like they’re kicking a puppy? Fuck no, they probably dance like Napoleon Dynamite, er whatever.”

Thus far, there is no clear evidence as to how this will end for the Emo community, though in the humble opinion of this reporter, all signs point to carbon-monoxide asphyxiation…gas prices are dropping. One would like to think, however, that the stupid fucking Emo kids would rebel. Instead of offing themselves en masse in a final act of protest in the lawn seats at a Shakespeare’s Sister concert, they could perform a true act of rebellion. Maybe buy some tie-dyes, Guats, and go to some String Cheese shows. Sell some fucking ganja goo balls, make shitty batiked t-shirts with the mangled visage of Bob Marley, or cook some veggie burritos.

Really, what’s the point of being pale, depressed, and a gigantic pussy if everyone else is doing it, too?

Wait…you mean to tell me that a governor from Illinois is corrupt? Next you’re going to tell me that 60 seconds=1 minute. While the right is scrambling like the one lemming with common sense on the precipice of the cliff to wrap President-Elect Obama to Blago, the rest of us over here in the real world are pushing the IL state legislature, and/or the IL Supreme Court, to bounce Blago faster than you can say, “George W. Bush is a war criminal”.

Which brings me to the title of this post. I can’t help but notice that when a GOPer gets indicted, the right-and their propaganda machine-rally behind these crooks and say things like, “leftist conspiracy”, or, “witch hunt”, or, “he was just trying to get toilet paper off the bottom of his shoe”.

There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that Blago deserves to go to prison. In fact, the loudest cries are coming from Democrats in Washington- including the President-elect. Were it not for the push by Barack Obama to get ethics reforms passed in the IL state legislature, it would have been more difficult for Blago to get his indictment.

This sudden exercise in character on the part of the GOP looks about as convincing as UFOs in an Ed Wood flick. But it doesn’t stop with Blago.

Senator Arlen “magic bullet” Specter (Senile Old Man-PA) has called for a delay in the confirmation of Eric Holder. Never mind that he jumped on the bandwagon to fast track John Ashcroft, Alberto Gonzales, and Michael Mukasey. Never mind that Holder was appointed by Reagan, or that Holder himself prosecuted some very high profile Democrats. Nope, Specter is putting the brakes on the confirmation because Holder didn’t step in and cancel the pardon of Marc Rich.

I know, it sounds really fucking dumb to me, too.

Get used to this kind of behavior from Republicans, friends and neighbors. The same people that let it slide when Mukasey said waterboarding was only torture if it happened to him will stop at nothing to shove a broomstick in the spokes of progress.  So I’m going to ask you guys to do me a favor…in the next couple of weeks, write some Op-Ed pieces about some of the biggest disasters of the Bush Administration-and the members of Congress who were quick to usher them in. Chances are, you’ll find the same people are now playing obstructionist.

It’s been a pretty good week here in Rhinoland. In the last 36 hours, I’ve had my work showcased on BadGirlsRadio (podcast to follow), asked to be the Political Editor-In-Chief for the upcoming A World Of Progress Team-Zine(launching soonish), closed on a place to live in North Carolina(which is awesome, because we were moving next week regardless), and was just given this award-

Announcing the first “IPD Best Political Graphics Awards” .  Not bad for the start of a week.

Now, to get to something I should have included in an earlier post, but have been busy painting and boxing up our apartment, here are the last two entries in:  Rhino’s Completely Original List Of Ten Republicans That Need To Be Packaged Without Bubble Wrap And Shipped Without Insurance Via UPS To Darfur™

Rudy Giuliani The man who in June of 1999, against the advice of anyone with a pulse, placed the Mayoral Office of Emergency Management on the 23rd floor of the World Trade Center. The man who took off his dress long enough to switch party affiliation because he knew there was no way on the face of god’s gray Earth he could ever beat Ed Koch in a primary. Rudy…the only man in America to politicize the tragedy of September 11th more than George W. Bush. The man who turned 9/11 into a noun, a verb, a platform, an excuse, and a fucking trademark. Oh, and a way to make money. Rudy 9iu11ani opened a security consulting firm after his city was attacked on his watch and capitalized on the fears of his former constituents. Fucking classy.

But that’s not really why Rudy deserves to be on the list. It’s his snarling, sniveling, sneering, shameless, surreptitious slander that spewed out of his curled lips and forked fucking tongue during this year’s election cycle. The unabashed  glee he clearly felt at mocking the very members of his own fucking community that put their lives on hold to rebuild New York so he could claim it as his legacy. The lies and vitriol that flowed nonstop from the maw of a madman. Fuck you, Rudy. And I hope you run again. I never get tired of seeing you in drag. But until then, have fun fucking your cousin.

Ann Coulter Look. I’ll be honest. Yes, she looks like a barely post-op tranny with a bad fucking wig, and yes, if that Adam’s Apple gets any bigger, it’s going to take over her face. And yes, the bilious venom that drips out of those fangs and on to the air (or in print) should come with a giant advisory sticker that reads: Believing this shit will lower your standing on the evolutionary ladder. And yes, no one with the IQ of a semi-frozen Brontosaurs should take her any more seriously than a spam email claiming you are the heir to a fortune in Dubai. But hey, everyone needs a nemesis, right? And come on, if it wasn’t for Ann, we’d never have her female counterpart. Yup, I’m talking about Matt Drudge.

 Given the time of year it is right now, and the childlike hope and willingness to believe in something we all know isn’t real, I thought I’d discuss the myth of small government and fiscal conservatism in the GOP.

Like a lot of other things that millions of people believe in that don’t really exist, the myth that the Republican Party is the only party that can decrease spending and balance a budget is as honest and believable as Hayden Christiansen in those Star Wars prequels. But sometimes words aren’t enough, which is why I’ve provided this handy little graph:

In case you are colorblind, or can’t decipher Rs from Ds , I’ll translate. Whenever the graph goes up, a Republican was in the White House. When it goes down, a Democrat was President. In case that sounds bad, let me remind you that the title of the graph is “Increases in the National Debt”.

Conservatives, can’t you just admit that the reason you vote Republican is because you’re easily duped, care nothing for your fellow man, and hate progress? I mean, saying “all conservatives hate America” is a pretty bold statement, and I’m sure six of them actually love our country. So for the love of Mark Harmon, could you fucking act like it and switch party affiliation?

 As promised, here is the second installment of me unapologetically ripping off Ben Cohen. In keeping with the spirit of my first post, I’ll try not to repeat names. This one should be a bit easier, but I’ll show you what I’m up against. Cohen’s list included: William Kristol, Bill-O T.Troll, Sean Manatee, Michelle Malkin, Rapture Ready Bible Spice, Dicks Morris and Cheney, Mittens Romney, Alan Greenspan, and Dubya.

So how am I going to find ten GOPers with those taken? I guess you’ll just have to continue reading Rhino’s Completely Original List Of Ten Republicans That Need To Be Packaged Without Bubble Wrap And Shipped Without Insurance Via UPS To Darfur™

Karl Rove Ah, yes, Turdblossom. The man behind King George. The heaping sack of shit that outed Valerie Plame. The genius that thought that after 2004 there would be a “permanent Republican majority”. Guess what, Rover? The divide and conquer strategy won’t work for decades now, and it’s all your fucking fault. You succeeded in turning this country into one long political campaign, and in doing so exposed every weakness and flaw in the Republican Party. You are directly responsible for a 110 seat Democratic swing in the House, and bare minimum 18 seat Democratic swing in the Senate. Dude, you suuuuuuuuuuck…

Michele Bachmann (R-MN) Any Democrats fed up with Idaho are hereby invited to move into Minnesota’s 6th District and vote this bat-shit crazy, Jesus-humping, rights restricting, wide-eyed fucking wingnut the hell out of office. From spying on a gay rights protest, to claiming that global warming is a hoax, to calling for a revival of the House Un-American Activities Committee, this freak of fucking nature has probably done more to get people involved in politics than nearly anyone else. Two more years, bitch…two more years.

Paul Wolfowitz One of the members of both AEI and The Project For A New American Century, and one of the “masterminds” of the Iraq debacle. Wolfie fucked up his post heading up World Bank, then decided to try his hand at warmongering. Back in ‘03, he admitted knowing the run-up to the war was a house of fucking cards built on lies, and clearly cared as much for that as Don Imus does the Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team.

Eric Cantor (R-VA) Sniveling, whiny, arrogant, and prickish. Anti-choice, anti-rights, anti-civil liberties, clueless to the ways of government, and just flat the fuck out douchey looking, Cantor has become one of the most reliable voices for the conservative movement. By blaming every problem he can on “teh lib-ruls” without realizing that, more often than not, his party was right there the whole time (usually in the majority), he proves that you don’t need brains to get elected. No, you simply need to scare the shit out of your undereducated constituency.

Chuck Norris Chuck, put the fucking cowboy hat back on and ride off into the god damn sunset. I know, it’s probably nice to have Joe Scarborough give you a rim job in real time, and the fact that Pat Buchanan is holding his head seems all the more exciting, but it’s just unbearable. Every time I see your know-nothing ass on TV,  a loop plays in my head of you getting the shit beat outta you by Bruce Lee. Over and over. I don’t hear your hackneyed talking points; I don’t hear your ill-informed vitriol. The only thing I hear is, “Waa-taaaaaah!”

Elisabeth Hasselbeck You’re a loser. Your husband is a loser. You deserve fame the way cancer deserves a good rep. It’s not that you couldn’t have an opinion unless Matt Drudge gave one to you, or that your talking points make the same hollow sound as that pea-sized brain rattling around in your head. Nor is it those vacuous, soulless eyes. It’s that you’re fucking dumb enough to believe what you’re saying. And that is dangerous. Please, for the love of the god you believe in, go home (for good), and ask your husband how it’s remotely possible to be the only quarterback in the NFL ever to receive a zero passer rating.

Alberto Gonzales How do I loathe thee? “I do not recall”. From inside the Justice Dept., you did more to obfuscate and circumvent the rule of law than nearly anyone else in the Bush White House. I’m not sure if it’s possible to file perjury charges every time you open that sneering fucking maw, but I do know a couple of lawyers that would be willing to give it a shot. You turned the Justice Department into an exercise not of political loyalties, but loyalties exclusive to George Bush. You’re a fucking criminal, and deserve to be perp-walked from Austin to D.C.- on camera.

Steve Schmidt “Kingmaker”? How about massive, boorish, inept fucking loser… No one bothered to tell this jackass that it wasn’t 2003 anymore, and that because of the dirty tricks he played to get Dubya elected, the world had changed- America had changed, and we weren’t going to fall for the same underhanded, divisive, self-mocking, bullshit scams that worked so well for him in ‘02-’04. Steve “Call Me Luthor” Schmidt deserves a special place in hell for being one of the “vetters” of Rapture Ready Bible Spice. Sure, give us the dumb as a post wingnut with the scandals, that’ll be great for democracy…giant, bald, assferret.

Leslie Sanchez CNN “political analyst” and windbag extraordinaire, Ms. Sanchez spent an entire election season repeating the same tired, debunked lies not only about Barack Obama, but any Democrat in any race. She’s a hate-filled troll in an anorexic’s body, with the same hollow, black eyes as nearly every other GOPundit on TV. The words “civil discourse” seem to get tossed right out the window every time this hag gets a bit of camera time. Your non-analysis, your constant misrepresentation of the facts, and your abhorrence to the truth should be cause to have you standing in a bread line, waiting on an unemployment check with 2 million other Americans.

Mitch McConnell(R-KY) I don’t usually say things like, “this withered piece of shit looks like a pedophile”, or, “seeing this fucktard’s face photoshopped onto the members of the Village People was the funniest thing I saw in a month”, so I’m not going to do that here. Mitch has said that in an Obama Administration, his job will be to use the filibuster as a matter of course regardless of the legislation. That is fucking treason. Mitch, if you’re going to be an obstructionist, I recommend you start by plugging the hole in John McCain’s ass now that Joe LIEberman isn’t up it anymore.

I suppose I should go ahead and give a hat tip to Mr. Cohen for giving me a reason to do this. I should also give a hat tip to Polianiac for posting about this earlier.  I’m going to do my best to not give a repeat performance of Ben’s list, but there are some assholes on both sides of the aisle (or in LIEberman’s case, hovering face down, ass up across the aisle) that bear mentioning again. So without further ado, let the potential libel begin…

We’ll go ahead and start with Rhino ’s Semi-Original List Of Ten Democrats That Need To Be Drug Out Into The Street And Beaten With A Neon Pink, Spiked Rubber Chicken By David Caruso™

Rep. Charles Rangel(D-NY) During his tenure as the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, Rep. Rangel failed to report $75,000 in income from a villa he owns in the Dominican Republic. While it may seem like a run of the mill thing for some rich fuck to misrepresent his income, this assferret Chairs the fucking House Ways and Means Committee…it’s his job to make sure this doesn’t happen. 

Cindy Sheehan  Cindy, it was cool that you were a pissed off mom who lost a son in an unjust and unnecessary war, but you stopped being relevant about six seconds after Michael Moore took his tongue out of your ass. The fact that you were the only person that the 8th District of California could find to run against Nancy Pelosi not only speaks volumes on the shallowness of the folks in the “Rollin’ Over” 8th, but is a testament to your stature as a camera whore. Please, do your country a favor…go back to the fucking tent city you built next to the Bush ranch in Crawford, go 60 feet from the nearest oil rig, and start drilling for your fucking self-respect.

Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) Madame Speaker, not only do I agree with Ben Cohen’s assessment that you belong on this list because you took impeachment off the table, I argue that you need to be held fait accompli alongside BushCo for your constant subversion of the Constitution by refusing to do your fucking job. You have stood beyond idly by as the fabric of our democracy has been raped and pillaged, you’ve fucking helped. By voting for Iraq, FISA, the Patriot Act, offshore drilling (when you fucking knew it was a scam), and yes, refusing to impeach a god damn war criminal, you are an enabler. You’re like a bar that lets you trade in your 2 week chip for free drinks. Oh, and your book sucked, too.

Heath Schuler (D[barely]-NC) Rep. Schuler is a member of the Blue Dog Coalition, opposes reproductive rights for women, opposes LGBT rights, and once threw five interceptions as quarterback for the Redskins. In fact, Rep. Schuler was rated the 4th biggest draft bust in NFL history, and his career as a Democrat has gone the same way. Fer fuck’s sake, Heath, you represent Asheville…Asheville!! And word on the street has it that you’re eyeing Richard Burr’s Senate seat. Alls I gots ta say about that is there’s a Relevant fucking Rhino moving to your (red) neck of the woods in a matter of days, and I’m going to do everything in my power to get Brad Miller elected to the seat once held by John Edwards. Hey, John Edwards…anyone else feel a segue comin’?

John Edwards Dude, really? You could’ve had your pick of Secretary of Labor, HUD, Commerce(which would’ve given Bill Richardson State, ya dumbfuck), any number of other key positions in the upcoming administration, to say nothing of being the first guy in 40 years to keep your Senate seat…but noooooooo! You went and got caught fuckin’ around on your wife. Your cancer stricken wife! That’s the kind of bullshit someone like John McCain pulls ya fucktard! I guess during all that talk about two Americas, you felt as though in one of them, you weren’t married. And for the love of Jeebus, man, if you’re going to throw away your marriage and political career on a piece of ass, why that one? You’re John Edwards! Fuck around with someone half your age! Dumbass…

Harry Reid (D- NV) If “spineless fucking coward” was an entry in the dictionary, Sen. Reid’s picture wouldn’t be next to it- for the sole reason that the spineless fucking coward wouldn’t show up to have it taken. Harry Reid is a bigger disappointment than the Detroit Lions. He’s about as convincing as Fran Drescher playing Joan of Ark. He rules the Senate like the Democrats are still in the minority, and he doesn’t want to do anything to piss off Dick Cheney. And yes, he’s complicit in every major Bush scandal I can think of, and probably thirty I haven’t even heard of yet. I couldn’t be happier that Nevada Lt. Gov. Brian Krolicki was indicted- not only does that eliminate the GOP challenger for Reid’s spot in 2010, it opens the door for an actual Democrat to run against him and use his spec-fucking-tacular failures as a platform. Competent progressives, there’s available real estate in Nevada calling your name.

David Sirota For being nothing more than a self-serving asshole who posts the same tripe on the Huffington Post, Open Left, the Daily Kos, Democratic Underground, and www.PleaseForTheLoveOfGodListenToDavidSirota.com without bothering to change even one percent of the fucking content.

Ben Affleck  Again, word on the street is that the same guy who decided Reindeer Games was a good idea is planning a run at the House of Representatives in the next few years. Ben, before you start, stop. There is an unfortunate history of actors prat-falling their way into Washington, and it should’ve fucking stopped with Reagan. No one wants your wildly gesturing, bloviating ass hamming it up through the Rotunda. No one. Not now, not ever. Think of a congressional run as your post-Hollywood Gilgi.

Charles Barkley Yep. I said it…Sir Charles has already announced that he’ll run for Governor of Alabama in 2014. Why 2014? Because that’s how long he has to wait in order to run for office as a resident of the state. Let me be the first to say that we already have an incomprehensible giant representing a disenfranchised group of Americans on a national level. His name is Barney Frank, and he’s doing just fine by himself. No offense, Charles, but you’d be the British Knights of politics.

Joe LIEberman (Lame Duck- CT) As the sun sets on Holy Joe’s political career, let me be the first to say this: Romney/Lieberman 2012. It’ll be the ultimate mindfuck, and make for the first 500+ Electoral Vote victory for a Democrat ever. There is little I can say that hasn’t already been said about Joe the Judas, but I’m gonna try. Joe, it was bad enough when you spent two months with your head so far up John McCain’s ass that every time he burped, he coughed up a bit more of Lindsey Grahm. But shilling for Norm Coleman and Susan Collins was just fucking despicable. Not only did you deserve to lose your Chairmanship of HSGAC…you deserve a fate much worse than that…what your actual punishment should have been is something out of the Spanish Inquisition. Yup, the entire cast of Monty Python’s Flying Circus should be allowed to burst into the Senate, red costumes and all, and chain you to your seat while they simultaneously flog you with six week old herring, Spam, Spam, Spam, concrete blocks and Spam, and a plexiglass copy of the Constitution. Fuck you, Joe LIEberman, and the losing coattails you rode in on.

P.S.- Don’t worry, the Republicans are next…