therelevantrhino

It appears I’ve been neglecting to mention that I was asked to be the Political Editor for the newly launched e-mag, A World Of Progress Team Zine. Anything and everything you enjoy about this site can be found there, and much, much more. So visit often, bookmark the site, and tell all of your friends to do the same.

Sometimes, things just start to roll your way. Perhaps it’s partially due to my recent change in scenery- the Blue Ridge Mountains are certainly more inspiring than the suburban sprawl that was Overland Park, Kansas. Perhaps it’s because I came from a town that, while small and relatively insignificant, has produced hundreds of writers, directors, actors, and industry professionals…who knows?

The point, friends and neighbors, is that over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting here less frequently than I had originally intended. Two days ago, I was telling myself that I would produce content here daily, and write for the mag at least three times a week. I still plan on keeping to my schedule for the mag , but yesterday I was presented with an offer to develop a screenplay for a mid-sized (budget wise) independent film. Turns out, this kid who lived in my neighborhood for a time has been rockin’ the film festival circuit for the last four years, and has six flicks to his credit that were bought and distributed.

I’ll try to post here as often as I can, but I’ve got about three weeks to wrap up writing the flick, and that will take a massive effort on my part.

If you would like to be a contributing writer for the Team Zine,  drop me a line with your work. Keep in mind that I’m editing the political page, and make sure the content you produce focuses on politics alone. {psst…Trav…some international stuff would be nice}

Look for a pre-Inaugural post over at the Team Zine later today.

Cheers,

RR

P.S.- Congratulations to the AFC Champions, my (and your) Pittsburgh Steelers!!

We know that this weekend, as well as Monday and Tuesday, will be steeped in history. Both anniversaries and those that will become anniversaries will be celebrated, champagne will flow in America’s capital, followed by cocktails; which will lead to an awkward moment between John King and Anderson Cooper one morning in the CNN suite at the D.C. Hilton.

And one really awkward moment when the 45.7% of Americans who voted Republican will hear the words, “I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear…”

But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.

I wanna revisit how we came to be here- in this moment: 48 hours away from electing America’s first half-black, Muslim, communist, fascist, “messiah”, anti-christ, socialist, corporate shill, Kenyan citizen/British citizen/Indonesian citizen.

A man who is building his own private army to force Marxism on our fair sod, and abort all the babies he can’t make gay.

A man who’s bigoted preacher wasn’t Pat Robertson, Billy Graham, or Jerry Falwell.

A man who said he would sit down and talk with our enemies- sans insulting demands (preconditions, for you righties)- instead of destroying their infrastructure, decimating its civilian population, forcing exile upon the educated and contributing members of their society, and simultaneously create both a com-fucking-pletely ruined view of our country on an international scale and new and exciting places for the terrorists to set up shop.

That one? How the hell did we end up electing that one?

Keep in mind, friends and neighbors, that only touches on maybe half of the shit we put up with over the last eight years…they had to squeeze it into an eight minute segment.

The concept of what makes one patriotic has been kidnapped, brutalized, and given a gnarly case of Stockholm Syndrome by the GOP. People who understood what it meant to be a patriot- Thom Paine, Fredrick Douglass, Bill Maher- have been left behind like an under-performing school district. To the Republican Party, patriotism is sticking your head in the sand and never criticizing your government(unless you can manufacture a way to blame a liberal). Patriotism is a three word slogan you can place next to your American flag/God Bless Our Troops bumper stickers on your massive (compensatory) SUV.

Having spent several years in the service of my country at national and state levels, as well as not being some kind of mindless drone that takes my cues from the likes of Limbaugh, I can offer some of what I’ve learned to Democrats wishing to crush an opponent in our next election cycle.

1) As the party that so successfully eats its own, rarely unifies, and historically reacts rather than leads, it’s imperative that the qualities we dislike in other Democrats become inherent in our actual political opposites. In other words, save some of that mojo for the general election. And by “mojo”, I mean “mudslinging”.

2) Dissent is patriotic. This is one thing the GOP will never understand. At least, the GOP of the last 30 years. To the modern incarnation of the Republican Party, the Flag (oh yes, it gets a capital letter) is a security blanket. And if they wrap themselves tight enough in the Flag, no harm will come to them. Republicans, and many Congressional Dems, spent the better part of the last eight years wrapped so snugly in the flag that the circulation was completely cut off to their brains(I’m looking at you, Feinstien, Reid, Pelosi, Rockefeller, Conyers, and Rangel). By reclaiming the patriotism card, and going back to the original intent that loving your country includes recognizing its flaws and wanting to correct them, we can move forward and actually fucking do something about the messes of the last decade.

3) Patriotism shouldn’t be limited to stump speeches. For exemplary examples on how one serves as a patriot- see the voting records of Russ Feingold and Dennis Kucinich.

4) Never, for a second, allow the right to revise history. The fact that our taxpayer money is being spent on the “Bush Legacy Tour”(revisionist history at its “finest”) should not only piss you off, it should scare the shit outta you. Revisionists have already deified Reagan (something around 75% of Americans should have a problem with, but for some reason, don’t), vilified the successes of the Clinton Era (or claimed them for themselves), swept every misstep, blunder, and gargantuan fucking failure of the Bush Administration under the rug, and are hard at work sabotaging an Administration that hasn’t even taken place yet. This shit has got to stop. You, yes you, the astute, good looking, charming, and capable progressive reading this (and you too, birdie) have the power to do just that.

When I think of Diane Feinstein, the word that comes into mind is “enabler”. For those of you who don’t know what this word means, I’ll give you a moment to look it up and find out for yourself, as I don’t want to be an enabler.

Done? Good.

Thing is, friends and neighbors, your ol’ Rhino knows a bit about intelligence gathering. One of the things I learned throughout my years of obtaining information from sources unwilling to give any is that there are easy ways and im-fucking-possible ways to get what you want. We’ll briefly discuss them now, savvy?

Easy : Make a friend. Nobody tells secrets to strangers; particularly if they’re a. new to town(or for that matter, country), b. colored differently, or c. don’t speak their language. Is this making sense so far? Gawd I hope so… Anyhoo, once you’ve established a friendship, it’s easy to find out what people know.

Easy: If you can’t make a friend, make an enemy.  If you work in the intelligence community, and you need to find out where an arms shipment is headed, roadside bombs are being planted, etc., and the person you were reaching out to decides they can’t/won’t trust you, make them think you’ve set them up as a fall guy for his entire organization. This works well if you’re short on time. Most people involved in well established criminal/terrorist organizations are more afraid of retribution from their own than from you. A phone call/visit to the upper echelon takes place, and you snag your quarry.

Im-fucking-possible: Torture. Torture someone long enough, they’ll tell you that they and they alone are responsible for making Celine Dion famous (an act of terrorism nearly equal to any other). Every analyst agrees that torture nets you less reliable information than any other means of intelligence gathering. Not to mention it’s fucking reprehensible, and anyone involved in it’s use or authorization should be convicted of War Crimes.

Remember back oh, seven-maybe eight- years ago when our country abhorred torture? I fuckin’ do, and I’d like to see us get back to that whole “the United States of America doesn’t torture” thing. While Bush said we didn’t, Cheney said “you betcher ass we did/do/will for 14 more days, what the fuck are you gonna do about it?”. And they wrote legislation that clears the US of any wrongdoing/illegality in case it dawns on anyone with two fucking brain cells to rub together that they’re guilty as OJ of war crimes and oughtta be locked up for fucking ever.

Leon Panetta has been nominated to be the man to spearhead President Elect Obama’s “Just Say No” to torture program. As Director of the CIA, he would be the third man on the whole fucking ladder, behind the POTUS and Director of National Intelligence Admiral Dennis Blair.

And people like Feinstein are pissed. She should be, as one of Bush’s key allies in the Senate for his authorization of spying on US citizens and green light for torture. When the toughest question you asked Porter Goss was, “What an interesting name…how did you come by it?”, then voted to approve both the telecom and torture bills, as well as confirm both Gen. Hayden and Goss to head up the Company, you should be pissed and scared.

And you should be labeled as an enabler.

Oh, huge congratulations to Sen. Al Franken (author of Lies [and the Lying Liars that tell them]: A Fair and Blanced Look At The Right). You didn’t just beat Norm Coleman, now get to use this phrase at least once a week,

“With all due respect to the Gentleman from Arizona, while it may be true that comedians can become politicians, it’s a terribly poor decision to attempt it the other way around.”

P.S. I realize I took an extra day. I swear I’ll make it up to you.

John McCain prophetically said he’d rather lose an election than a war. Well, he’s off to a decent start, and even though everyone on the ground has said that you can’t win occupations, there may be time for some armchair neo-con to claim victory right before we pull out. Or, as I like to call it, the “Catholic Win”.

We now know that Dubya is going to spend 14 of the remaining 15billion from the TARP funds to guarantee the auto industry in America doesn’t fail on his watch. This decision comes on the heels of the Senate rejecting a bill that would have given the Big Three a bridge loan during the waning days of Dubya’s piss poor excuse for an administration. We also know that the Senators responsible for killing the bill are, more often than not,  from states that are backed by non-Unionized foreign auto makers. Ironically, 18 Republican Senators, largely from the aforementioned states, voted for the $700billion bailout of Wall St., but voted against the $15billion bridge loan to assure that 3.2 million Americans would be able to keep their jobs and pay their bills.

Bob Bennett, UT, Richard Burr, NC, Saxby Chambliss, GA,Tom Coburn,OK
Norm Coleman, MN, Bob Corker, TN, John Ensign,NV, Chuck Grassley,IA,
Judd Gregg,NH, Orrin Hatch,UT, Kay Bailey Hutchison, TX,  Johnny Isakson,GA
John Kyl, AZ,  Mel Martinez, FL,  John McCain, AZ, Mitch McConnell,KY
Lisa Murkowski,AK,  John Thune, SD

Odd that with at least a third of these American Dream killing, big business kowtowing, hypocritical, fluffers of Wall St. up for reelection in two short years, they’d use this opportunity to exercise their outright hatred of Unions and bend over for foreign auto makers.

I come from a town that went from considerable independence to almost total reliance on revenue garnered from chain restaurants and big box stores as a result of GM shutting down 6 factories and shipping 85% of those jobs overseas or to Mexico. People I grew up with are living in their parent’s homes and taking night classes for a slim chance at a different career because they were new employees when the jobs went away, and factory life was all they knew. Now, the remaining 15% of those men and women that were already struggling to make a living may only be able to do so until January or February of next year. For no other reason than Dubya, and his fellow GOPers, feel threatened by Unions.

I will give the teensiest amount of credit to BushCo, though. Giving the Big Three just enough to get through the next two months means one less potential albatross to hang around their neck.

Fucking douchebags.

Wait…you mean to tell me that a governor from Illinois is corrupt? Next you’re going to tell me that 60 seconds=1 minute. While the right is scrambling like the one lemming with common sense on the precipice of the cliff to wrap President-Elect Obama to Blago, the rest of us over here in the real world are pushing the IL state legislature, and/or the IL Supreme Court, to bounce Blago faster than you can say, “George W. Bush is a war criminal”.

Which brings me to the title of this post. I can’t help but notice that when a GOPer gets indicted, the right-and their propaganda machine-rally behind these crooks and say things like, “leftist conspiracy”, or, “witch hunt”, or, “he was just trying to get toilet paper off the bottom of his shoe”.

There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that Blago deserves to go to prison. In fact, the loudest cries are coming from Democrats in Washington- including the President-elect. Were it not for the push by Barack Obama to get ethics reforms passed in the IL state legislature, it would have been more difficult for Blago to get his indictment.

This sudden exercise in character on the part of the GOP looks about as convincing as UFOs in an Ed Wood flick. But it doesn’t stop with Blago.

Senator Arlen “magic bullet” Specter (Senile Old Man-PA) has called for a delay in the confirmation of Eric Holder. Never mind that he jumped on the bandwagon to fast track John Ashcroft, Alberto Gonzales, and Michael Mukasey. Never mind that Holder was appointed by Reagan, or that Holder himself prosecuted some very high profile Democrats. Nope, Specter is putting the brakes on the confirmation because Holder didn’t step in and cancel the pardon of Marc Rich.

I know, it sounds really fucking dumb to me, too.

Get used to this kind of behavior from Republicans, friends and neighbors. The same people that let it slide when Mukasey said waterboarding was only torture if it happened to him will stop at nothing to shove a broomstick in the spokes of progress.  So I’m going to ask you guys to do me a favor…in the next couple of weeks, write some Op-Ed pieces about some of the biggest disasters of the Bush Administration-and the members of Congress who were quick to usher them in. Chances are, you’ll find the same people are now playing obstructionist.

 Given the time of year it is right now, and the childlike hope and willingness to believe in something we all know isn’t real, I thought I’d discuss the myth of small government and fiscal conservatism in the GOP.

Like a lot of other things that millions of people believe in that don’t really exist, the myth that the Republican Party is the only party that can decrease spending and balance a budget is as honest and believable as Hayden Christiansen in those Star Wars prequels. But sometimes words aren’t enough, which is why I’ve provided this handy little graph:

In case you are colorblind, or can’t decipher Rs from Ds , I’ll translate. Whenever the graph goes up, a Republican was in the White House. When it goes down, a Democrat was President. In case that sounds bad, let me remind you that the title of the graph is “Increases in the National Debt”.

Conservatives, can’t you just admit that the reason you vote Republican is because you’re easily duped, care nothing for your fellow man, and hate progress? I mean, saying “all conservatives hate America” is a pretty bold statement, and I’m sure six of them actually love our country. So for the love of Mark Harmon, could you fucking act like it and switch party affiliation?

From OJ Simpson finally getting some jail time, to the 75th Anniversary of the end of alcohol prohibition, to BushCo stepping around the other two branches of government (again) and subverting the Federal Land Policy and Management Act of 1976, to the Coleman/Franken recount coming to a close, it’s been a pretty eventful Friday.

Yup. Orenthal James Simpson (61), received a minimum 16 years in prison-parole eligible in 5-with a 23 year maximum on 10 counts ranging from conspiracy charges to assault with a deadly weapon to kidnapping. Now, there are some out there that will claim that this is all payback for some kind of supposed wrongdoing that Simpson was accused of a long time ago. I can’t remember that far back, so I’m going to guess it had something to do with helping Bill Clinton smuggle interns into the Oral Office.  I mean really, it’s not like the guy killed someone in cold blood then wrote a book about it!

What?

Oh. Snap.

And yes, 75 years ago today the United States Government realized the error of its ways and repealed an unfair and ricockulous law that banned the consumption of a mind altering substance. Realizing there was little to nothing they could do the stem the constant flow and use of this product, that they were helpless to stop people from doing what they want, and wasting an unheard of amount of taxpayer money fighting a dumb fucking war, they finally came to their senses and re-legalized cannabis.

What?

Booze? Fuck. That was stupid. People die from that shit.

Didja hear that Congressional Committees no longer have the power to vote on and enforce 30 year old laws? The BLM stripped regulations that allow the Secy. of the Interior the power to stop drilling and strip mining on state and federal lands. A 20-2 vote was passed in the House Natural Resources Committee denying the BLM the right to go onto public land and, yes, ‘Drill, baby, Drill’ claiming that there weren’t enough Republicans present on the committee.

Gotta love the “Unitary Executive” philosophy.

The recount that never fucking seems to end should come to a close by the end of business today. There’s a bit of squibbling (hard to believe, I know) over an apparent 133 missing ballots from a Franken district that Coleman is trying to block, but it looks like Al “Deep Thoughts” Franken may pull this off by four votes.

Franken should win because he’s good enough, smart enough, and doggone-it, people like him.

“Bin Laden Determined To Strike In US”. “New Orleans Levees Will Fail”. “Torture Does Not Provide Accurate Information”. And now, “Expect Fallout, Expect Foreclosures, Expect Horror Stories“.  What would it have taken to get BushCo to heed any of these warnings- all of which have had the most dire consequences to our country?

Let’s say it’s Feb. 2001, and the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile pulls up in front of the White House. A guy gets out, dressed like Twinkie the Kid, and says,

“Mr. President, the Weinermobile is yours, delicious hot dogs and all, if you read this memo”, and handed him the bin Laden report.  Do you think he would have taken it seriously?

Back in 2005, lobbyists and counsel to Lehman Bros. met with BushCo to defend sub-prime and ARM loans stating “[t]hese mortgages have been considered more safe and sound for portfolio lenders than many fixed rate mortgages“.  Really, why would you want to listen to “experts” and “comprehensive analysis” when you could listen to the former head of Goldman Sachs (your treasury secy.), relax lending rules, oversight, and show the same blind fanaticism towards the free market as a Baalist cult?

This is not a Congressional issue, friends and neighbors. This happened in the offices of BushCo, with BushCo appointed free marketeers. I would rather blame Congress; we could vote those bastards out, but this happened inside the White House- not on the Hill.

I’ll give my sage-like advice to the incoming administration later today or tomorrow.

Get used to hearing that phrase, friends and neighbors. You can also get used to hearing things like, “The Barack Obama of the Right”. Ya see  in two short years, Bobby Jindal, Gov. of Louisiana, is expected to be trotted out as the right’s next (last?) great hope. And I for one couldn’t be happier.

Bobby Jindal is a rising star in the GOP for good reason. He’s young, possibly more socially conservative than Rapture Ready Bible Spice, and a bona fide exorcist. In 1994 he wrote an essay for the New Oxford Review, a far-right leaning Catholic publication where he described in vivid detail the removal of a demon who had possessed a young woman. This came on the heels of his conversion to Catholicism from his native Hindu religion, and sounds like just the thing to get the “base” to overlook his, well, brownness.

The problem the Republican Party faces is that it simply can’t put a new face on old ideas and expect the public to buy that shit anymore. Limbaugh loves him, which makes me wonder if anyone’s told Mooselini that yet. After all, elRusho was one of her biggest (literally and figuratively) cheerleaders this cycle. Grover “Drown Government in the Bathtub” Norquist thinks the sun shines out of his ass, too. And our own mastermind, Lex Luthor incarnate Steve Schmidt has stated, “The question is not whether he’ll be president, but when he’ll be president, because he will be elected someday.” Take that one to the bank, friends and neighbors, because if there’s one thing Steve Schmidt knows, it’s how to win an election. Oh, wait, nevermind.

2012 is shaping up to be a battle of the Govs, as the only serious names being bandied about are either sitting or former Governors. Can you imagine the amount of at-the-ready material for the slime machines during a Republican primary between Bobby “The Power Of Christ Compels You” Jindal, Mittens “I Have Magic Underpants” Romney, Sarah “Bwahahahahahahahahahahhahaha” Palin, and Mike “Aw Shucks, Everything Is A Sin” Huckster?

I’ll bring the popcorn.