therelevantrhino

I suppose I should go ahead and give a hat tip to Mr. Cohen for giving me a reason to do this. I should also give a hat tip to Polianiac for posting about this earlier.  I’m going to do my best to not give a repeat performance of Ben’s list, but there are some assholes on both sides of the aisle (or in LIEberman’s case, hovering face down, ass up across the aisle) that bear mentioning again. So without further ado, let the potential libel begin…

We’ll go ahead and start with Rhino ’s Semi-Original List Of Ten Democrats That Need To Be Drug Out Into The Street And Beaten With A Neon Pink, Spiked Rubber Chicken By David Caruso™

Rep. Charles Rangel(D-NY) During his tenure as the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, Rep. Rangel failed to report $75,000 in income from a villa he owns in the Dominican Republic. While it may seem like a run of the mill thing for some rich fuck to misrepresent his income, this assferret Chairs the fucking House Ways and Means Committee…it’s his job to make sure this doesn’t happen. 

Cindy Sheehan  Cindy, it was cool that you were a pissed off mom who lost a son in an unjust and unnecessary war, but you stopped being relevant about six seconds after Michael Moore took his tongue out of your ass. The fact that you were the only person that the 8th District of California could find to run against Nancy Pelosi not only speaks volumes on the shallowness of the folks in the “Rollin’ Over” 8th, but is a testament to your stature as a camera whore. Please, do your country a favor…go back to the fucking tent city you built next to the Bush ranch in Crawford, go 60 feet from the nearest oil rig, and start drilling for your fucking self-respect.

Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) Madame Speaker, not only do I agree with Ben Cohen’s assessment that you belong on this list because you took impeachment off the table, I argue that you need to be held fait accompli alongside BushCo for your constant subversion of the Constitution by refusing to do your fucking job. You have stood beyond idly by as the fabric of our democracy has been raped and pillaged, you’ve fucking helped. By voting for Iraq, FISA, the Patriot Act, offshore drilling (when you fucking knew it was a scam), and yes, refusing to impeach a god damn war criminal, you are an enabler. You’re like a bar that lets you trade in your 2 week chip for free drinks. Oh, and your book sucked, too.

Heath Schuler (D[barely]-NC) Rep. Schuler is a member of the Blue Dog Coalition, opposes reproductive rights for women, opposes LGBT rights, and once threw five interceptions as quarterback for the Redskins. In fact, Rep. Schuler was rated the 4th biggest draft bust in NFL history, and his career as a Democrat has gone the same way. Fer fuck’s sake, Heath, you represent Asheville…Asheville!! And word on the street has it that you’re eyeing Richard Burr’s Senate seat. Alls I gots ta say about that is there’s a Relevant fucking Rhino moving to your (red) neck of the woods in a matter of days, and I’m going to do everything in my power to get Brad Miller elected to the seat once held by John Edwards. Hey, John Edwards…anyone else feel a segue comin’?

John Edwards Dude, really? You could’ve had your pick of Secretary of Labor, HUD, Commerce(which would’ve given Bill Richardson State, ya dumbfuck), any number of other key positions in the upcoming administration, to say nothing of being the first guy in 40 years to keep your Senate seat…but noooooooo! You went and got caught fuckin’ around on your wife. Your cancer stricken wife! That’s the kind of bullshit someone like John McCain pulls ya fucktard! I guess during all that talk about two Americas, you felt as though in one of them, you weren’t married. And for the love of Jeebus, man, if you’re going to throw away your marriage and political career on a piece of ass, why that one? You’re John Edwards! Fuck around with someone half your age! Dumbass…

Harry Reid (D- NV) If “spineless fucking coward” was an entry in the dictionary, Sen. Reid’s picture wouldn’t be next to it- for the sole reason that the spineless fucking coward wouldn’t show up to have it taken. Harry Reid is a bigger disappointment than the Detroit Lions. He’s about as convincing as Fran Drescher playing Joan of Ark. He rules the Senate like the Democrats are still in the minority, and he doesn’t want to do anything to piss off Dick Cheney. And yes, he’s complicit in every major Bush scandal I can think of, and probably thirty I haven’t even heard of yet. I couldn’t be happier that Nevada Lt. Gov. Brian Krolicki was indicted- not only does that eliminate the GOP challenger for Reid’s spot in 2010, it opens the door for an actual Democrat to run against him and use his spec-fucking-tacular failures as a platform. Competent progressives, there’s available real estate in Nevada calling your name.

David Sirota For being nothing more than a self-serving asshole who posts the same tripe on the Huffington Post, Open Left, the Daily Kos, Democratic Underground, and www.PleaseForTheLoveOfGodListenToDavidSirota.com without bothering to change even one percent of the fucking content.

Ben Affleck  Again, word on the street is that the same guy who decided Reindeer Games was a good idea is planning a run at the House of Representatives in the next few years. Ben, before you start, stop. There is an unfortunate history of actors prat-falling their way into Washington, and it should’ve fucking stopped with Reagan. No one wants your wildly gesturing, bloviating ass hamming it up through the Rotunda. No one. Not now, not ever. Think of a congressional run as your post-Hollywood Gilgi.

Charles Barkley Yep. I said it…Sir Charles has already announced that he’ll run for Governor of Alabama in 2014. Why 2014? Because that’s how long he has to wait in order to run for office as a resident of the state. Let me be the first to say that we already have an incomprehensible giant representing a disenfranchised group of Americans on a national level. His name is Barney Frank, and he’s doing just fine by himself. No offense, Charles, but you’d be the British Knights of politics.

Joe LIEberman (Lame Duck- CT) As the sun sets on Holy Joe’s political career, let me be the first to say this: Romney/Lieberman 2012. It’ll be the ultimate mindfuck, and make for the first 500+ Electoral Vote victory for a Democrat ever. There is little I can say that hasn’t already been said about Joe the Judas, but I’m gonna try. Joe, it was bad enough when you spent two months with your head so far up John McCain’s ass that every time he burped, he coughed up a bit more of Lindsey Grahm. But shilling for Norm Coleman and Susan Collins was just fucking despicable. Not only did you deserve to lose your Chairmanship of HSGAC…you deserve a fate much worse than that…what your actual punishment should have been is something out of the Spanish Inquisition. Yup, the entire cast of Monty Python’s Flying Circus should be allowed to burst into the Senate, red costumes and all, and chain you to your seat while they simultaneously flog you with six week old herring, Spam, Spam, Spam, concrete blocks and Spam, and a plexiglass copy of the Constitution. Fuck you, Joe LIEberman, and the losing coattails you rode in on.

P.S.- Don’t worry, the Republicans are next…

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