Nov 25 2008
The (Yawn) War On Christmas
I truly hope this is the only time I have to delve into this subject. I’ve already seen a few posts here, and heard Bill-O T. Clown work himself up into a frenzy (need a loofah, Bill?) over the “War on Christmas”. File this under “yet another meaningless hunk of bullshit your CEOverlords want you to swallow to keep the base pumped”.
As with so many other “issues”, Christmas has become a battle of ideologies. There’s the arrogant and misguided Evangelical Right, and then there’s everyone else. People that celebrate their Jewish faith, people that buy into Kwanza (it’s fucking fake, and you know it, but I honestly don’t care about that), people that worship Cthulhu, or are Wiccan, pagan, snake-handlers, or Scientologists all get shunned from Nov. 1st through New Year’s.
Why? Because during the Roman colonization of, well, everywhere, traditional pagan holidays like the Winter Solstice and Roman feast days like Epiphany were lumped together and renamed. The original church leaders were opposed to the Dec. 25th holiday because it inaccurately claimed that date at the birth of Jesus. They felt as if people would be insulted, after all, who would be gullible enough to believe that Mary trekked through the desert in the middle of winter while nine months pregnant?
Flash forward several hundred years, to a place called America. The winter months are a slow economic time, and the geniuses on Madison Ave. need a way to stimulate spending. Around the mid 1880’s, at the height of Victorian pageantry and decadence, the Dec. 25th holiday was turned into a spending spree. The German icon St. Nikalaus was adopted and given a much less Teutonic moniker, and crass commercialism melded Vulcan-like into the holiday.
Why the history lesson, Rhino? Well, I’d hate to simply come out and say that if you’re pissed because the companies that sell you you’re “made in a third world country by children forced into slave labor” chinos say ‘Happy Holidays’ , then you need a fucking lobotomy. I would be remiss if I didn’t provide background before I said something like, “You’re fighting a fake war over a fake holiday about a fake person because you get all sex nuts and retard strong for Jeebus”.
The two most commonly associated side-effects of the holiday season are depression and alcoholism. The suicide rate rises dramatically, and the pressure to buy more and larger than you did last year is overwhelming. So I’ll make a deal with you, Fundamentalist wingnuts…if you drop this fake war on Christmas, I won’t have to tell you how fucking stupid it is ever again.
Stumble It!
I so agree with you. When did Christians start owning the holidays? It serves them right. Now let them see how it feels to be pushed aside and ignored from November to January. They stole the holiday from us anyway, but that’s no surprise. The Religious Right would steal the entire country from us if they could.
Wait til they find out Easter is a fertility rite named for Ester, and those eggs…well they symbolize, um, eggs.
“You’re fighting a fake war”… Isn’t this what “we” do? Is that not a shame? Everywhere “we” look, we see enemies, those who would do us harm… Dear God, the sky is truly falling and I join and applaud you for the “yawn of it all”. Thank you. ~k
Give me a break…
Tell little kids that you fag-bag…
Monosyllabic responses without credible or even full sentence responses will be mocked.
Tell little kids what? That the Judeo-Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus is inaccurate? It is. Or that Toys r’ Us has nothing to do with putting on a stupid sweater and singing in church? It doesn’t.
I’ll let my two year old believe in Santa, because it will teach him the valuable lesson that adults lie, and believing in fairy tales is fine when you’re a kid, but silly when you’re a grown up.
I too am sick of the fake war on Christmas. What a bunch of bs from a bunch of fools.
@David Rude…. er, you must be one of the ignorant masses who actually likes the idea of the war on Christmas. After all, ya gotta have something to complain about, and since the Rapture is taking it’s sweet time, this makes a sweet temporary distraction.
Loved the bit of history but you left out some important steps…
I highly recommend the book The Autobiography of Santa, it is excellent and historically right on in regards to the history of Christmas and Santa and all.
As for the chosen date…yeah it is a fake date, but that isn’t the point. People wanted a day to do things for others and a day to celebrate the birth of Christ. I have a friend who was adopted and didn’t know his birthday so they picked a random day to celebrate, doesn’t make it any less special for him.
Christmas was being celebrated long before the date that you mention, it had gone out of style in England for a bit but other countries were still getting their jolly on.
The time in America you are referring to is more when Christmas became truly commercialized.
As for the war on Christmas…that must be on blogs I don’t read
but if they have their knickers in a twist over phrasing they are indeed twits 
Anyhwo, check out the book…I think it is a great way for kids and adults to get a better appreciation for the ‘real meaning’ of Christmas…and Santa
Just to clarify, I didn’t mention a date that Christmas started being celebrated, though the earliest one I could find was around 273. I mentioned the 1880’s specifically as the time it became commercialized. Pay attention, birdie, damn…always trying to find something to bitch about, aren’t ya?
The fake date is part of the point, because it gives historical context to the adaptation of other, older holidays and rites.
Not bitching, doll. Clarifying for any of your readers who aren’t Christmas nuts (which I am, I love Christmas and Santa). I said you did a great job and you are either right on or darned close about the date.
I don’t really see it as the point. Everyone (with a brain) knows it was a date chosen b/c it coincided nicely with other festivals/gave people something to look forward to etc. The point of Christmas, however, doesn’t change. And that point is celebration of Christ and of giving to others.
And really, not bitching
I happened upon this blog from entrecard just now, and it just became my favorite blog ever. I usually jump all over this annual tradition of wingnut professional victimhood with my usual sarcastic mockery, but I’m having post-election blog slack. So thanks for covering this annual spewing of extreme asshattery. People need to be reminded every year what a complete load of bullshit this “war” on christmas is. They’re the ones who are ruining one of the most happy times of the year by politicizing it.
Rhino, I’m surprised you felt this issue was worth your time. Hardly a big deal. Although i have to say, i don’t understand why some people are offended by a Nativity scene in a public place. If that kind of things offends you, you must have thin skin.
I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t go for the Christmas thing myself. Every December I celebrate a special holiday, the holiday of Festivus. A Festivus for the Rest of us!