therelevantrhino

Friends, this was the interview of a lifetime! Your indelible Rhino was lucky enough to sit down with none other than Gen. Powell after his truly epic endorsement of Sen. Barack Obama for President. Really, just, damn. It was awesome, and I’m proud to share it with you now.

RR: General Powell, first let me say what an honor it is to be able to interview such a prolific and inspiring person as you. I’m truly humbled and honored, and frankly have no idea why you chose to do this.

CP: You better start callin’ me “Sir”, son.

RR: Yes sir. Would you like to comment on your endorsement of Sen. Obama?

CP: Of course. Do you think I came here for the food in the green room? Damn, you white people are stupid. I chose to endorse Senator Obama for a multitude of reasons. First, I have spent the last two years getting to know him, and while I’ve maintained a cordial and personal relationship with John McCain over these last 25 years, frankly, he scares the bejesus out of me. I mean really, what kind of imbecille would vote for that crazy ass cracker at this point? He’s off his damn nut!

RR: Um, General Powell, are you sure you want me to go on record quoting you calling John McCain a “cracker”?

CP: Son, I’ve spent my entire life as a public servant. Ive done everything you can possibly imagine to do what’s right for my country. And how was I repaid? I was the damn scapegoat for the Bush Administration!  Look, son, the thing is that we are at a monumental crossroads in this country, and the only person that will get us on the right side of the tracks is Barack Obama. John McCain has been behaving like a spoiled child who’s been denied a piece of candy, and his running mate has been the sole reason I’ve been going back to church…not because she’s a “Christian”, but because I pray every day that someone as wholly unqualified, ignorant, and hateful as that woman will find herself crushed and defeated, along with her outmoded ideology, on Nov. 4th. I can give you 10,000 reasons why, but none of that shit matters in the eyes of the press. Not with George Will and Pat Buchanan and a horde of pitchfork carryin’ white folks saying that the only reason I support Barack Obama is because he’s a black man! So fuck it!

RR: So, no matter what the logic behind your decision, this will ultimately be played as a racial decision?

CP: Have you had yo’ head buried in a Sudanese burial pit? Do you understand how divided this country is over this election? If I was the Pope, this would be called a race-based decision. The Democrats called me a traitor when I repeated the lies of the Bush Administration, and the Republicans are calling me a traitor for endorsing the best candidate in this election! I’m up shit creek no matter what I do…

RR: So, why endorse a candidate at all?

CP: Because the American people are by and large a bunch of total morons, and the great majority of them are so ill informed, they couldn’t find Arkansas on a map. They’ve heard my name before, so my endorsement counts. Seriously, Rhino, undecided voters are the same kind of people that get caught in a bear trap that they themselves set.

RR: No argument there, sir. No argument there.

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