therelevantrhino

The other day, President Bush peeked out the blinds and noticed a gathering of cameras and microphones on the White House lawn. Still a little wasted from the previous night’s “sleep-aides”, he tottered out and spoke briefly about the biggest financial crisis this country has seen since the Depression.

Squinting and stammering, he encouraged America to look the other way while the grown ups took care of their money.

[We mus take]”bold, aggressive, decisive action” to rescue the crisis-ridden economy with a $700 billion bailout package. “The whole world is watching to see if we can act quickly,” Bush said, prodding lawmakers in Washington to approve his plan.

Yes, Mr. President, the world is watching.

The world is watching to see if the American people are still as dumb as the Daily Mirror proclaimed we were upon your re-election.

The world is watching to see if Congress will roll over like Bristol Palin in the back of Levi’s pick-em-up truck and allow you to further cripple the American economy.

The world is watching to see if America is still values ego over insight. Blind faith over reason. Candor over common sense.

The world wants to see if you’ve still got it, Mr. President. If you’re still the shoot first, question never, spoiled little kid-come-cowboy that got us into Iraq. That bullied us into FISA. That ignores life-saving information in favor of a brush-clearing getaway.

They want to know if you’ve learned anything in the last eight years, anything at all. After watching you bungle and blunder your way through speech after speech, and crisis after crisis, they want to know if you still subscribe to the same debunked philosophies that leave a trail of death and destruction in their wake. They’re, well, curious, you see. They think ill of you, and by virtue, us. On your watch, we’ve gone from the greatest country in the world, to the biggest bully on the block. We stole every bike we could find, and when we ran out of paint, we picked up rocks and started throwing them.

Rachel Maddow was right. Our solution does seem to be: we’re out of candy. We need more candy.

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